Slice of Life? 4
by angel0wonder
Summary: In which Ritsu robs a bank in a tutu.


A/N- Sorry this one came out so late. I don't have an excuse beyond that the plot bunny keeping this series going hit a spiked wall and died on impact and it's taken me this long to get off my lazy butt and resuscitate the evil thing.

* * *

Mio clutched her body pillow tighter with her arms and legs in an attempt to ignore her ringing cell phone. It was a Sunday morning, and Mio had been looking forward to sleeping the day away without a hitch. She should've known to turn her cell phone off lest her one of her friends decided they were bored this early in the day.

The ringing stopped and the room was silent once again. The high school girl sighed in relief and smothered her face into the softness that was her favorite pillow, relishing the pleasant tranquility. The silence was unceremoniously interrupted when the ringing sound resumed with greater persistence.

With a tiny whine, Mio lifted her hand and blindly reached for the bothersome piece of technology that was the source of her annoyance. Her hand landed on the phone, smothering its noise. But it seemed as though her phone was under something? Something warm and… snickering?

"Whaa?" Mio groaned in frustration as she attempted to tug the phone out of whatever it was stuck under. Her groggy mind, sluggish with sleep, started becoming aware of the amused noises in the room with her. "Eh?" she lifted her head slightly and opened a bleary eye.

What her vision discovered was her hand grabbing at her phone, which was currently enclosed in someone's pants. Specifically, in someone's crotch area. As in someone had her phone in their pants and Mio had been groping the area for quite some time.

"GYAAAAA!" Mio flung her body against the opposite wall, pressing her back as tightly against it as possible, hands clutching the blanket to her chest. Her mind had not quite caught up with her body's automatic flight response, leaving her eyes frantic and wide while her awakened brain tried to catch up to what was happening.

"Oh? And here I thought you were so happy to see me." a familiar yet unfamiliar voice spoke languidly. The dark figure, which had been standing next to Mio's bed looking down at her previously sleeping form, took a long drag from the cigarette nestled between two fingers in a natural manner born of much repetitiveness.

"You see, that phone was just so annoying," smoke curled away from a malicious grin as if trying to flee in terror. "So I was trying to keep it quiet so I could keep watching you sleep." Wild unkempt hair hung in front of the person's eyes, shadowing it in a menacing manner. "But I guess it was fun either way." A raspy chuckle made tremors travel up and down Mio's back.

"R-ri-r-Ritsu?" Mio stuttered in disbelief. The only reason why she hadn't passed out from fright at this point was that she had immediately recognized the looming person as her childhood and current best friend Ritsu. But the one standing before her now… seemed like an entirely different person.

Ritsu's seldom seen bangs spilled over her forehead, and she sported a fanged grin that was the exact opposite of friendly, with the cigarette caught between her lips filling the air with its smoke. She was wearing… a pink tutu? The hell?

It was so glittery it nearly blinded Mio, and it was such an odd contrast to the evil look on her face. Mio almost laughed if it wasn't for the 'laugh and I'll seriously kill you' vibe rolling off her friend in waves.

At this time her friend was grinning at the raven haired girl like she could smell her fear and was loving it. Annoyance immediately swelled in the bassist's chest and she willed herself to stop scrabbling at the wall. It was just Ritsu after all, right? Another glance at the girl's outfit and she spotted a name tag pinned to her chest that proudly proclaimed her as 'Crazy Bitch!'… Right.

"Ritsu," Mio's alto voice spoke harshly. "Is this your idea of being funny? Are you _trying_ to make my lifespan shorter?" she scolded the other girl, trying her best to sound angry and not at all disturbed by Ritsu's latest stunt.

Ritsu's predatory grin widened ever so slightly as she shifted her weight to one hip. "Actually, yeah." Her stance was casual, but her body hummed with suppressed energy. Not the drummer's usually excited energy made of sunshine. The aura she was exuding now gave Mio the impression that she was sitting before a hungry tiger.

Mio was quite unsettled by her response. The raven haired girl gaped at Ritsu before going red in the face with real anger. She leapt at the shorter girl with her fist out, ready to deliver her signature punishment. "Why you..!"

Mio didn't quite see what happened next. All she knew was that one second Ritsu was standing still, and the next she seemed to move slightly. And as a result of that slight movement Mio had her back pinned to the bed by Ritsu's leaner body and her hands were being held tightly above her head. She was now staring directly into Ritsu's eyes, typically bright and cheerful, now hooded and glowing dangerously like the spark of flint and steel. Eyes that drew a moth to flame only to get burned to death.

"G-get off.." Mio was trembling underneath her now, her body feeling torn between being terrified or flushed. The lit cigarette still in Ritsu's mouth lingered precariously close to Mio's own face in a taunting manner. After a few seconds of Mio's trembling and Ritsu's mocking control over her, the shorter girl finally released her. Even with Ritsu straightening out over her, Mio still couldn't breathe easier.

With another puff of smoke being released from her lungs, Ritsu turned away from Mio. "The next time you try anything like that," she said in her new low raspy voice, making Mio jump. "I'll have to resort to even more extreme fanservice methods." And with that threat, she strutted out of the room, leaving a trail of smoke and glitter behind her.

… Could she _be_ any more badass? Of course, the effect was slightly dampened when she paused briefly to straighten out her pink tights before disappearing completely.

"Fan… service?" Mio breathlessly echoed in confusion. Just then the sound of her ringing cell phone filled the air once more while a vibrating sensation simultaneously attacked Mio's crotch.

"HYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Mio screamed, jumping up almost to the ceiling more out of surprise than anything else. She shoved her hand down the front of her pajama bottoms and rapidly pulled out her cell phone.

"What-how-when the hell?" Mio cried out in frustration while staring at the phone incredulously. Wasn't this phone in Ritsu's pants a minute ago? Blushing furiously at the thought that at some point Ritsu had transferred the phone to her own pants without her noticing, the bassist almost passed out from the rush of blood to her head. However, the phone's insistent ring kept her mind present.

With a sigh of woe, she answered the cell. "What now?" she sniffled pathetically into the phone, expecting more misfortune to befall her this morning.

"_Mio-chan, we're all waiting for you outside_~" Yui's childish voice met her ears, soothing her frayed nerves slightly.

"Outside? Why?" Mio struggled to remember if they had any light music club activities that day. She couldn't recall anything.

"_BECAUSE OF THE PROPHECY! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE PROPHECY?" _Yui yelled at her, making Mio jerk her head away from the phone. "_Heh heh, just kidding. I just always wanted to say that_." Yui giggled on the other end of the line.

Mio growled in extreme annoyance. "Fine, I'll meet you outside." Mio responded. "So I can hit you in person!"

"_Wah! Mio-chan is scary when she's angry_!" Yui exclaimed in a scared yet playful voice.

"_Unfortunately, Mio's fist only has eyes for Ritsu's head_." Mugi's voice was heard in the background.

"_Eh, why is that unfortunate?"_ Yui questioned, ignoring the increasingly redder Mio on the other end.

"_Because, Yui-chan_," Mugi answered in a motherly tone. "_Some people like that kind of physical attention from someone as curvaceous and dominating as Mio." _

Mio went from red to white all over. That wasn't motherly at all!

"_Ohh, so is Ricchan one of those people?"_ Yui asked innocently.

"I'M HANGING UP NOW!" Mio yelled and hung up quickly before that conversation went any further.

"How did my weekend get so screwed up?" Mio sighed. Needless to say, she stopped thinking about the circumstances of her morning and proceeded to get dressed.

When she stepped out of her house a few minutes later, she stared blankly at the extremely suspicious white van parked on the curb.

"Uhh.." The tall girl eyed the van when it suddenly rumbled to life and trained its headlights on her as she stared at it. She hoped standing still meant it wouldn't notice her, but it suddenly lurched in her direction anyway. "Crap, I knew this would happen one day!" Mio yelled tearfully as she tried to run away.

But she wasn't fast enough and the as van drove by her hands snatched her up without the vehicle slowing down one bit. Mio blacked out from terror.

"Mio-chan, please stop kicking my face! It hurts!" a familiar voice cried out and the bassist snapped out of her senseless struggling.

"Y-Yui?" Mio's startled whisper was practically drowned out by the sound of a car engine.

"Unfortunately, you hung up on Yui before we could properly explain the meeting arrangements." Tsumugi's voice came from behind her, and Mio realized it was the blonde who was currently holding her hands behind her back, and Yui who had been attempting to hold Mio's thrashing legs.

"What the heck is going on?" Mio asked breathlessly, snatching her hands back when Tsumugi let them go.

"I don't know, but I can't see!" Yui half sobbed, sporting quite the shiner over one of her eyes where Mio kicked her. The bassist immediately felt guilty at being the reason Yui shed tears.

"I'm sorry, please forgive me!" Mio started bowing in apology, but paused mid-bow when she spotted something, or rather someone, curled up in the corner of the van. She had to ask. "Um, why is Azusa gagged and tied up in the corner?"

"Oh, Azusa-chan wouldn't cooperate, so we silenced her." Tsumugi said like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"MMFF!" Azusa said. Her hands were tied behind her back and her legs were bound together, along with a gag in her mouth.

"Azunyan~!" Yui cried, throwing herself on Azusa's defenseless body in a fit of tears. Azusa grunted in protest, but couldn't do much beyond trying to wriggle away. "You poor thing! Don't worry, I'll comfort you!" Yui whimpered as she buried her face in Azusa's body.

Azusa grunted along the lines of "Aren't you comforting yourself!" but no one understood her.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Mio yelled, bewildered as to what would justify tying up their newest band member.

"Ricchan told us to!" Yui said, her voice muffled by tears and snot much to Azusa's horror. That did not discourage the brunette from petting Azusa on the head and receiving the girl's fiercest glare.

"Yes, we feared for our lives." Tsumugi said sheepishly with an eye-smiled.

'_You don't look all that fearful!_' Mio thought to herself. It looked like Mugi's unusual enthusiasm for new experiences was kicking in at full gear.

"But can't we, I don't know? Untie her!" Mio yelled in exasperation.

"Umm, no." Yui replied quietly, pushing the tips of her index fingers together.

"Why?"

Yui looked away and pouted, trying to look cute. "Cuz I don't wanna die!" Mio slammed her forehead into the floor at Yui's childish answer.

"Ricchan was very clear with her instructions and the penalties if we broke her rules." Tsumugi explained.

"But why is she acting like that? Where are we being taken? What is she going to do to us?" Mio frantically asked, trying to rein in the growing feeling of panic in her chest.

"Since Mio-chan knows her best, we were hoping you would enlighten us." Tsumugi said.

"I think," Yui spoke up, speaking words that contradicted her nature. "That Mio hit Ricchan so many times on the head, she's finally lost it!"

Azusa's responding "Hnnnrr!" read along the lines of "You're not allowed to give anymore opinions!"

Of course Yui found this cute and proceeded to pet her more earnestly than before.

"Whatever the reason," Mio winced as the van ran over a particularly harsh bump, jolting them. "It shouldn't justify being captured and thrown into the back of suspicious vans!"

"Perhaps Ritsu is playing an elaborate prank!" Tsumugi clapped her hands together in sudden excitement, eyes lighting up as she imagined what awaited them. "I've never had such a thought-out and well put together prank pulled on me before!" She looked happy enough to cry tears of joy.

"Really?" Yui sniffled, her one eye that wasn't swollen lighting up and sharing Mugi's enthusiasm. "Then in the future we'll be able to look back on this day with laughter and joy!"

"GET ME OUTTA HERE!" Mio shrieked as she banged her abnormally large fists on the van door. The van drove over another pot hole, jarring the bassist enough for her to fall back onto her bottom with a rather cute 'kya!'. "Who the heck is driving this thing anyway?" she complained as she rubbed her bottom.

"Moe moe, kyun!" Yui giggled.

"Mwaaah!" Azusa said, which translated into "Is this really the time for that?" She was ignored.

Eventually the van pulled to an abrupt stop, the sound of the engine abruptly dying away after Mio started to get used to it. "Oh great, what's going to happen to me now?"

"Hopefully we've been taken to an abandoned building or a suspicious warehouse." Mugi wished. Both hands went to her cheeks and she blushed in glee at the thought. "Oh, Ricchan sure is going through a lot of trouble just to surprise us!"

"I don't think my heart can handle any more surprises today." Mio grumbled to herself, closing her eyes and trying to breathe evenly. However, at the 'in' part of her breathing ritual the sound of the driver's door opening and closing ominously jarred the van and made the breath Mio had been sucking in come out with a funny squeal sound.

"Ohgodthisisitimgonnadie!" Mio scrambled away from the doors and started scrabbling at the opposite wall as if she'll be able to scratch apart the metal and escape before the driver opened the door.

With a sudden click the door rapidly slid to the side to reveal-

"Sawako-sensei!" Tsumugi gasped, looking happier by the second.

Mio had been _this close_ to going into cardiac arrest a second ago. She melted on the van floor, spent from fright.

"Sawa-chan kidnapped us!" Yui exclaimed. "It was so obvious!"

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" their teacher growled at her, looking darker than usual. Her eyes looked like they were permanently set on her 'rebellious teenager' mode. Which was bad. (Usually for Mio.)

"_Untie me_!" Azusa was demanding, thrashing like a fish out of water. No one seemed to notice as they hopped out of the van one by one. Mio crawled her way out, hoping to breathe in some fresh air and see some sunlight before her heart gave out.

She didn't exactly get what she wanted. The place they found themselves at was a broad alley that looked like it belonged in the most crime-infested area in Gotham City. It was everything you'd think an ominous place would be. Sunlight didn't shine here, and it was dank and secluded with littered dumpsters, taken-apart cars and piles of junk everywhere. Places perfect for a weirdo to jump out at you and slap you with a squid.

"Wow, what an interesting smell." Tsumugi observed as she took a big whiff.

"It smells like shit." Sawako deadpanned. She suddenly latched onto Tsumugi in a childish manner. "Mugi-chan, need tea!" Sawako pleaded, hugging her student tightly to her chest.

"Um, if I may interrupt?" Mio sweat-dropped at Mugi's happily drooling face. "Why did you kidnap us and take us to this place?" she asked nervously wringing her hands.

Sawako's face suddenly darkened once more. "Because," she grumbled, looking away. "I feared for my life!"

"Oh, me too!" Yui raised her hand eagerly, happy that she found something in common with her teacher. Mio on the other hand, looked bleaker than ever. Because if _Sawako_ feared for her life, than, well… Chances of survival weren't looking all that great for Mio, were they?

"I'm going to be the first to go." Mio mumbled watery to herself, tears at the corner of her eyes. Yui wasn't there to comment on how cute Mio looked because she was too busy tickling Azusa's feet.

"Ah, so you've all finally decided to show up." An icy voice from the shadows made every light music club member and its advisor freeze. Mio tried to crawl back into the van but Azusa's body was in the way trying to wriggle out of it.

"Well, waiting always makes me all the more eager to pull the trigger," A glint of fang in the shadows, a spice of venom in the tone. "So I guess everything works out for me in the end." Ritsu calmly walked up the group like a ballerina-wolf stalking its prey.

Yui's eye widened at the sight. "So glittery!"

"Silence, Pig." A desert eagle was suddenly being held unwaveringly in front of poor Yui's face, held by a cold-eyed Ritsu.

Yui's unswollen eye blinked in recognition. "Hey, Ui pulls this same thing on me when I try to eat her share."

"STOP TALKING CRAZY!" Mio yelled from under the van. Sawako had somehow ended up under the van as well, leaving Tsumugi to stand beside Yui who was still perplexed as to why she was being held at gunpoint.

"Bad Ritsu." Sawako whispered in a half-assed scold.

Azusa was rolling around the van interior in a panic. Mugi looked like an enthralled audience member.

After a few tense seconds of Ritsu's gaze from behind her bangs, something of a smile twisted her lips with an amused sound. The gun was lowered from Yui's forehead to the drummer's side, much to everyone's relief.

"Excuse me," Mugi raised her hand this time.

'_Didn't you learn the lesson with the gun, Mugi-sempai!_' Azusa thought in a panicked exasperation.

"Yes, Horse?" Ritsu lazily tapped her gun against her shoulder in boredom. Azusa wanted to fall over from the difference of reaction.

"I was wondering," Tsumugi continued, automatically knowing she was the Horse and not thinking twice about it. "What sort of unusual endeavor have you taken us up for?"

A malicious grin born to give children nightmares broke out over Ritsu's face at the keyboardist's question. She once again lifted her gun at Yui's face, who went a little cross-eyed as she stared at the barrel. "Pig." Ritsu stated.

The gun shifted to point its deadly barrel at Mugi's forehead. "Horse."

The short-haired girl suddenly crouched down to the pavement and reached under the van. Mio squeaked when a freezing hand enclosed around her ankle as she was about to make her escape. The bassist was roughly yanked out from under the van into the dark alley atmosphere by her best friend who was holding a gun. Sawako-sensei didn't even help her, the traitor!

"Cow." Mio's body had once again began to black out when she was suddenly awakened by that voice in her ear.

"Why am I the cow!" Mio couldn't help but yell at Ritsu. Yui and Tsumugi's eyes automatically glanced south from her face, unable to help themselves to the obvious even in their current predicament. Ritsu ignored her protests.

"Hostage." The end of Ritsu's gun pointed inside the van at the still tied up hostage.

"Obviously!" Azusa wanted to say. Everyone else heard "HHMMMMYYY!"

Abruptly, Ritsu turned around and fired a shot towards the end of the alley where Sawako was making a break for it, making the group of girls around her scream. "Getaway driver." The hair on top of the teacher's head singed from where the bullet passed. The older woman slowly turned around, sweat on her face.

"O-Of course!" she answered with the fakest enthusiasm possible.

"Hostage? Getaway driver?" Mugi repeated, placing a finger on her chin in thought. She suddenly smiled. "Sounds interesting."

"No it doesn't!" Mio whispered loudly, knees knocking together. It sounded anything but interesting!

"I want tea." Yui mumbled, rubbing her injured eye and making it worse. Mio just didn't have the strength to strangle her.

"Now, you repulsive pathetic disgusting shit-eating useless underlings," Ritsu's voice spoke louder, stealing everyone's attention with her sadistic glee in calling them such a list of insults. "You are all mine now." The short girl placed a cigar into her mouth that looked way too big and unnatural on the young girl's face. "And I've come to read to you your doom." And she proceeded to light the cigar in her mouth.

Mio sniffled at those ominous words. '_I'm going to die from insanity before my best friend's gun kills me_.' she thought gloomily.

The short haired girl dressed as a ballerina walked a few feet towards the back of the van. The other band member followed her reluctantly but curiously. She opened the van's back doors to reveal an impressive firearms collection and assorted weapons usually associated with warfare.

"Holy crap." Sawako stated.

"Oh, I almost forgot." Ritsu said in a way that indicated that she didn't almost forget at all. Biting down on the cigar, she reached out and groped Mio's boob. "Fanservice."

"AHHHHH!"

"Go for it, Ricchan!"

"I intend to. Now take off your clothes or die."

"NOOOOOO!"

* * *

Azusa walked casually into a large bank filled with people. Well, she would have been, if casual was defined as sweating profusely, stiff, and shifty eyed. So let's reiterate the first sentence…

Azusa walked into the Japan National Bank looking like the most suspicious person ever. But who wouldn't be if they knew the events that were about to transpire inside this very large nice and safe-looking bank?

'_But, I can't say anything_.' Azusa gulped even though her mouth was dry. '_Because_ _I fear for my life!_'

Just as she thought that, the sound of gunfire shattered the illusion of safety inside the bank, followed by… farm animal sounds?

"Nyahahaha!" a maniacal laugh from behind Azusa made the girl 'eep' as something cold and dangerously heavy was placed firmly at her temple.

"Buu! Buu!" someone dressed in a pink pig suit rushed in, pointing a gun at the people inside the bank and making the motion for them to get down on the ground. The poor frightened customers lowered themselves to the ground. "Buu!" The pig flashed the person holding Azusa hostage a thumbs up.

'_Who the hell decided to give Yui an Ak-47?_' Azusa thought in hopelessness, tears spilling down her dumbstruck face. She was allowed to cry at the stupidity of the situation she got herself into because it certainly helped her role as hostage.

"Nya!" The person holding the gun to the pigtailed girl's head was dressed in a cat suit. She assumed it was Ritsu, because of the tutu over the suit itself. Unfortunately for Azusa she had been tied up out of earshot during the planning stages of this stupid heist. She only knew she had to look miserable while a gun was pointed at her head. And she thought she was doing damn good job of doing just that!

"Hii~ Hiiin~" Mugi's soft voice was trying quite diligently to imitate her farm animal noise. Trying too hard in Azusa's opinion. An auto machine gun had been given to the rich blond, much to Azusa's chagrin.

All of a sudden Tsumugi inside her horse costume cocked the gun into the air and fired several shots into the ceiling in experimentation, making the residents inside the bank scream as ceiling debris fell around them. "Hiin!" Tsumugi sounded proud at how intimidating she appeared. As intimidating as a horse costume could get anyway.

"Nyanyanya!" Ritsu 'meowed' at Mugi.

"Hihiin! Hihiin!" Mugi 'neighed' at Ritsu while jumping into a cute pose, her gun tapping against her forehead.

"No one understands you!" Azusa exclaimed. '_Honestly, who would take this bank robbery seriously?_'

"NYA!" Ritsu hissed and pressed her desert eagle more firmly against her temple. Azusa understood _that_ message loud and clear.

Tsumugi then 'galloped' further into the bank towards the far safe, waving her gun around enthusiastically. Then, surprisingly, she quickly punched in the correct code to the safe and it swung open slowly without a hitch. The bank employee's eyes were bugging out at how easy that was.

'_Don't tell me_…' Azusa sweat-dropped as Mugi did a little victory dance by the opened safe. It didn't take so much as a glance to spot a huge plaque on the wall that read: **Founded By The Kotobuki Family**.

'_This is her family's bank, isn't it? WHY IS SHE ROBBING HERSELF? AAHHHH! IT'S TOO MUCH FOR MY COMMON SENSE TO TAKE!_'

"Buu!" Yui looked happy for Mugi.

'_Oh God, I'm going to die from the sheer absurdity in this room before Ritsu shoots me_.' Azusa despaired, flailing helplessly in Ritsu's grasp. It was then that the cow walked in.

"M-moo…" Mio could barely make herself say such embarrassing sounds as she walked in with several bags that would hold the money. You could practically feel her blush radiating from inside her cow suit.

"**NYAAA!"** Ritsu roared at her, taking the gun away from Azusa's head long enough to fire a few shots at the floor near Mio's feet. The bassist cried and scrambled away from the bullets, rushing to where Tsumugi was.

"Moo-hoo-hoo!" Her tears were soaking through so much it looked like the cow was crying. Together, the horse and the cow disappeared inside the vault to probably rob, pillage and plunder whatever was inside.

"Hey, why aren't the police hear yet?" one of the hostages on the floor whispered to someone near him. The pigtailed girl raised her head slightly at the relevant question. Where _was_ the police?

Inside the cat suit behind her Ritsu was smiling gloatingly while continuously biting the inside of her cheek just so she could constantly taste blood. A gleeful laugh bubbled acidly up her throat.

"NYAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ritsu laughed and laughed, throwing her large cat head back so its unblinking eyes waved around unnervingly.

"Um, why is the cat laughing?" one of the hostages whispered uneasily. "What incredible murderous intensity."

The answer was simple. Earlier in the day it was reported that every single cop car in the district had been jacked, and it's drivers missing. The police department itself had been mysteriously deserted, no one having checked in for duty that day. The only clue available was tons of glitter littering the area and the lingering smell of cigarette smoke.

Needless to say, the police feared for their lives. Very mysterious.

At this moment crime was running rampant throughout the city; the looting crowds hailing a demon in a tutu came straight from Hell to start a revolution.

Very mysterious indeed.

Ritsu's evil laugh was finally interrupted after about two minutes with the loud sound of screeching tires outside. The van's horn was beeping crazily outside, making Mio and Tsumugi stumble out of the volt, their arms full with bulging duffel bags filled with money.

'_Ah, that must be Sawako-sensei as the getaway driver_.' Azusa surmised, though her face gave the impression that she just didn't care anymore.

Yui took Mugi's firearm from her and covered their exit, jabbing the ends of the guns at the hostage's faces. "Buu! Buu!"

"NYA!" Ritsu kicked Yui on the rump from behind, nearly sending the girl sprawling.

"BUU~!" Yui complained, since she almost just accidently killed a dozen hostages. Ritsu hissed at her, murderous rage rolling off her in waves even if she was just making cat noises.

"B-b-b-Buu~!" Yui cried in fright as she ran out the exit. Ritsu shoved the kouhai after the pig. Azusa walked after Yui feebly, no longer having the strength to act as the straight-man in this comedy sketch.

Now alone with the remaining hostages the giant cat loomed over them silently, the blank cat grin on its giant head making the effect even more disturbing to them. After a few seconds they couldn't help fidgeting uncomfortably on the floor when the cat didn't move at all.

"Alright you nyine nyice nyight nyurses nyursing nyicely." Ritsu spoke up finally in a threatening cat-voice.

"… The hell it just say?" one of the hostages muttered.

"I, I think they just wanted to say a tongue-twister…" another person answered. The hostages sweat-dropped collectively. How on earth were they supposed to take this hold-up seriously?

Just then a black bag was thrown on the ground in front of them. The cat must have been holding it at some point.

"You're all my bitches' nyow." the cat said with a smirk in its voice. Inside the bag were many nametags with the names 'Crazy Bitch Minion' written on them. With that, the cat in a tutu left, leaving the hostages to ponder what the hell they were supposed to do with these name tags.

* * *

Outside at the getaway van, the farm animals were scrambling to fit their heads inside the van.

"Hurry up!" Sawako yelled at them from the driver's seat. "We can escape before she comes back! Take your damn heads off!" she hissed. Cow, horse, and pig heads went flying. The four members barely had time to close the van door before their teacher was tearing out of the bank parking lot at full speed.

"We're free!" Azusa exclaimed, hugging Yui in exhalation.

Mio had her face in her hands. "I'm going to get arrested and no college will ever want me." she murmured brokenly.

In the front seat, Sawako breathed a sigh of relief when they hit the main road. And then she looked into the rearview mirror and gasped. "She's running after us!" she screamed when a giant cat suit in a tutu waving a desert eagle at them filled the mirror.

"On it!" Mugi said, cocking her automatic Uzi machine gun and moving for the entrance.

"You're going to shoot Ritsu?" Azusa asked with a horrified expression.

"Shoot her!" Mio suddenly demanded with crazed and blood-shot eyes.

"Buu!" Yui grunted, groping Azusa's chest while she was too distracted to care.

"She gaining on us!" Sawako shouted as she tried to outmaneuver the unusually fast suited person. "She's like a damn Terminator!"

Tsumugi slid open the unlocked van door and leaned out, Azusa holding her legs so she wouldn't fly out. Mugi took aim with her Uzi and started firing at the cat in the tutu. She missed and Ritsu lifted her gun to return fire. Tsumugi was forced to be pulled back in when the shots hit the back of the van.

"She's trying to kill us!" Yui noticed.

"How about this?" Sawako grinned evilly as she hit the brakes as hard as she could and quickly reversed, running Ritsu over with the car.

"We hit Ritsu with the car?" Azusa grasped at her pigtails and pulled on them. "What if we killed her!"

"Then justice will be served!" Mio declared loudly before laughing maniacally.

"Everyone's lost their minds!" Azusa yelled, Yui's hands still groping away at her chest. "CUT THAT OUT!" she punched Yui in her one good eye, more fed up with the groping than with running over their drummer.

"Ah, now I'm really blind!" Yui whined, grabbing at both of her blackened eyes.

Suddenly there was a heavy thump on the roof of the van and all of them went silent.

Sawako gripped at the wheel until her knuckles turned white as the tension mounted. It was all too silent after the ominous thump.

Out of the blue Ritsu's face was dangling upside down outside her driver's window. She had a mad grin on her face as she waved at a screaming Sawako. The teacher was hollering as she stomped on the gas and drove crazily down the road trying to shake the drummer from the roof.

There was chaos on the streets. Mobs and fires and crazy looters were running wild everywhere, all wearing the 'Crazy Bitch Minion' nametags, and no one to stop them. Ritsu stood up and balanced on the van's top, firing shots into the air as the van raced passed all her loyal bitches.

"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?" Ritsu hollered into the air. "IS THIS NOT WHY YOU'RE HERE?" She threw her head back and crowed with laughter as the mobs of deranged minions hailed her their queen as the van careened by, carrying the screams of the light music club members inside.

"Eat this!" Sawako called, turning sharply and running the van into a light post at full speed, Ritsu flying off the roof like a rag doll with a deranged laugh.

The door of the van slid open, piles of cash and band members rolling out wearily.

"Ugh, why did Sawako-sensei crash the car?" Azusa coughed.

"Did we get her?" Mio asked eagerly.

Tsumugi peered into the front window in concern. "Sawako-sensei, are you alright?"

"Yeah," the teacher had a bit of trouble removing herself from the front seat but managed it despite the front of the van being folded around the light pole. "Do you think we got her?"

"Why would you think you 'got me'?" a demented voice inquired. The light music club and its advisor turned in horror at the voice coming from merely a few feet away. Ritsu had a cruel sneer twisting her mouth and blood dribbling down her face from a wound on her scalp. She had discarded the cat suit and remained in her too-cute and too-glittery tutu that she had apparently been wearing underneath. The desert eagle was pointed directly at her friends. The effect was extremely disturbing. "It would amuse me to greater extents to actually see you try to squirm from under my thumb."

Mio lurched into the van, picked up an automatic shotgun, and jumped back out to point it at her childhood friend.

"Bring it on!" she yelled in an alarmingly high-pitched voice, clearly snapped from all the torment she had undergone today.

"I'll back you up, Mio-chan!" Mugi said, grasping her Uzi and standing by her friend. Sawako cocked an AK-47 and grinned wickedly, this experience having clearly unleashed her dark side.

"I'll show you real discipline, by hell and fire!" she screamed. Azusa was shoving a blinded Yui back into the van and taking cover while grabbing any extra weapons lying around in preparation of the showdown about to take place.

The grin on Ritsu's face twisted even more and her amber eyes bulged from her eye sockets and her hair blew about her face wildly. "I'll provide fanservice no matter what!" she declared, charging down at them with an unhinged battle cry.

* * *

Ritsu's blood pumped loudly through her head like a bowling ball pounding against her skull. She got the sensation of falling while sleeping and her body jerked reflexively. Amber eyes snapped open and blinked rapidly.

"Huh?" the drummer uttered in a confused manner. "Where am I?" It appeared as though she was in the middle of a heavily wooded area, crouching behind a tree with a desert eagle in one hand and a grenade in the other.

A newly unpinned grenade. "Oh cra-!"

**BOOM!**

Ritsu barely stumbled away from the smoke and falling splinters, coughing and hacking and miraculously alive. A harsher wakeup call couldn't be imagined.

As soon as she had thought that, the drummer was suddenly looking down the barrel of several guns pointed at her face through her messy bangs. She gulped and slowly peered up the metal to see who would aim a gun at her.

"Found you, Ritsu~" Mio giggled madly down at her. Ritsu's eyes widened the size of trash can lids in a matter of seconds. But it wasn't just her childhood friend. It was Mugi, Sawako, Azusa, and even Yui! Though, the guitarist was facing in an entirely different direction, both of her eyes swollen nearly shut.

What struck Ritsu the most was that the group looked like they just run through a mine field. Hell, maybe they had considering Ritsu had a grenade blow up in her face just a minute ago! Their clothes were torn and singed, and they sported matching mad grins and too-small irises filled with bloodlust. Particularly Mio, who's finger twitched excitedly at the trigger, making sweat bead on Ritsu's forehead.

"Uh… What's up you guys?" Ritsu nervously spoke, voice shaking from shock despite her casual greeting.

"The only thing going up is going to be my gun up your ass." Sawako cackled. "Tie, her up, Mugi!"

"Yay!" Mugi cheered, tackling Ritsu to the ground with rope. Within a few minutes Ritsu was firmly tied up and dangling from a tree in front on the bloodthirsty group.

"What is going on!" Ritsu demanded, thrashing in her binds. "What's wrong with you guys? Why am I dressed like a ballerina? WHAT THE HELL?"

"Prey isn't allowed to ask questions!" Mio licked her lips hungrily. "We're going to make use of you before we kill you."

"K-_kill_?" Ritsu's voice went high in disbelief.

"Hey," Azusa's eyes were starting to show some clarity. "We shouldn't kill her…"

"Thank you, Azusa!" Ritsu cried, staring gratefully at her kouhai. "I've always liked you the most, really!"

A crazy smile stretched across Azusa's face and her eyes dilated. "We should _torture_ her!"

"Ah!" Ritsu cried. "I've always disliked you the most!"

"Let's use her as a piñata!" Yui suggested, everyone agreeing almost immediately with enthusiastic nods.

"But first," Mio spoke up, rubbing her hands together like a childish conspirator. "Let's provide some fanservice!"

"YEAH!" they all agreed together, holding their guns up over their heads.

"What? Fanservice?" the band leader looked confused for a moment, but then her expression shifted to horrific when all of their hands started drifting towards her tutu-clad body ominously. "No…" Ritsu could do nothing but dangle helplessly as their hands closed in on her. She feared for her lfe!

"No! Not the fanservice! NOT THE FANSERVICE! AHHHH!"

The squeals of delight were heard for miles.

* * *

A/N- Ritsu regains her sanity while everybody else loses it was definitely what I was going for. Also, the fanservice.


End file.
